Nothing much to report on the mom front, I guess that’s good news but it leaves me feeling a little adrift. She slept alot yesterday, it was Sunday, one of my day’s off so I offered to take her anywhere she wanted to go, for a ride, to run errands, whatever. She said she wanted to go over to Adele's to borrow a curling iron but it was clear a few hours later that she’d changed her mind. So, Miss Cathy spent the majority of the day in bed and I took the advantage of the down-time to go shopping.

A couple days ago I forgot Miss Cathy’s morning pills, not giving them to her until 3:30 in the afternoon. Thank god she reminded me or I would have completely missed the cycle. It’s becoming such a routine that I could have sworn she’d taken them already. I’m soooo happy we have the “week at a glance” pill case that clearly indicated day of the week, morning and nite doses.

She’s much improved getting in/out of her shower-which she seems to take once a week. Since I’m just monitoring her habits I haven’t said anything yet, I’m just gathering data for what I don’t know but it gives me a sense of purpose.

There isn’t much improvement in her walking but she does seem “sharper”, more herself and less confused. Months ago Dr Granite had speculated whether her confusion was delirium or dementia, the former being temporary and the later chronic. Each time he asks how she is I have to tell him my honest assessment and which leads him to believe that it is Alzheimer’s but what if his possibility is a probability? What if she “clears” up in two or three months time, what do I do then? I “left” my life to be here, cast myself in a new role in my “life’s-play”, what would I play if she got better, regained her independence and didn’t need me?

I know it’s fucked up but I’m completely vested in the notion that she’s ill-not that I’m wishing that on her. It’s just that I never gave the possibility that this could be a temporary condition any serious thought since her diagnosis in January. To be clear she was seen by one of the top Neurologist in Maryland and the diagnosis has been confirmed by several doctors since that time. I don’t know I just have my moments when I wonder, “What did I get myself into?”