I’ve seen a lot of improvements in Miss Cathy, especially in this last week. She just seems more like her old self, more centered, active and strong. She’s eating more and that seems to have improved her stamina and vitality. She definitely has her moments though, like the dryer for instance: yesterday was the second time I had to help her turn it on. The first was when she confused the dryer turn-on knob for the one on the washing machine she pulled it off its base instead of turning it to the right. She called me over when she couldn’t get it started again; we both stood there, me to the side and she directly in front of the dryer. I tried to get it working but to no avail. I took the knob off and put it back on; looked to make sure it was plugged in, reset the temp dials-nothing. I was about to give up and suggest calling a repairman when I looked down and saw that Miss Cathy was standing in front of the dryer with the door open. “Mom”, I said, “you’re standing in front of the open door, you need to shut it to make it work.”

“I’m just as crazy as I can be.” She said.

Today is Sunday; it’s my day off from “work” but not a day off from my responsibilities to Miss Cathy so I’m still trying to figure that one out. I mean, I get to sleep in a little but I can’t leave for the day so other than not having to make phone calls for four hours my routine is basically the same; pills for Miss Cathy after she has breakfast, spend a little time with her during the day, run any errands for her and pick up whatever she may need, help out or hang out with her as she makes her dinner, watch a little “Bonanza” or “Andy Griffin” with her then it’s pills again before I turn out her lights so she can go to sleep for the night.

I still feel like I’m behind in the things I said I was going to do when I still lived in Kansas City and was making plans to move back here. I’ve had paperwork that I’ve needed to fill out and mail so Miss Cathy can have some home care when I’m not around and a host of other benefits-meals, housecleaning, you name it. I just need to get together with Tony to fill in her financials and send it in to see if she qualifies. There’s a form I need to fill out for a waiting list for assisted living facilities that provides financial help in the area that will take her when the time comes that she’s too much for me to handle alone,too. I keep kicking myself for procrastinating because we could both benefit from her being in these programs, I don’t know what my problem is sometime. I’m “Johnny on the spot” for most things and then there are those times when one or two items on the list seem to just linger and linger.

Anyway, I have the car loaded with five boxes of clothes that Miss Cathy is donating to the Salvation Army. She insisted that I get her boxes instead of using trash bags because she “didn’t want anyone to be able to see what she was donating” yeah, I know!

Since this all began in January she’s been very resistant to the idea of getting rid of anything or having her things disturbed. I get it, you know she’s getting older and now with this diagnosis, loss of control and power in her life she has to feel that she’s in control somewhere-of something.

We’d talked about her donating some of her things months ago when she was in rehab after her knee replacement surgery and I thought she’d either forget all about it or resist if I suggested the idea. So, I was a little surprised when on Monday she just got to work and started pulling the clothes out of her closets herself. Truth be told her closets are still packed with clothes and it’s hard to tell that she’s gotten of anything but its’ the symbolism of the act of letting go that I’m most impressed with.

Back in May I took almost a week while she was in rehab and really tried to give this place a deep clean. I threw out a lot of stuff that was broken, worn out or just “too old to serve a purpose” and packed away at least 100 stuffed animals that she’d been collecting for years. Not only were they dusty (and creepy in that volume-in my opinion) they were everywhere and in the way of her walking around the apartment with her cane when she came home. Out of respect for her and her home I made sure not to throw away most of her things and put them ins storage instead-just in case she pitched a fit and wanted everything returned to where it was I would at least have most of it to put back.

I was surprised at how pleased she was when she came home and saw the results, she seemed to like the cleaner, streamlined apartment and appreciated that the clutter was gone and didn’t really miss anything or ask that anything be put back.

She has softened her position over time and seems to be slowly adjusting to change and seeing the value of letting things go; clutter, things that had sentimental value and some things that are just “old” and worn out.