So, I’m noticing little things about how Miss Cathy is taking care of herself-or not taking care as the case may be, and it’s kinda frustrating. When we went to Dr Granite’s on Monday I made a point of watching her walk down the steps (after referring to my notebook) to see if she was doing it correctly she wasn’t. When she was in rehab she was taught walking down with her bad leg and up with her good. She was in rehab for a month and she had physical therapy almost every-single-day and she still doesn’t get it. She’s doing whatever she wants with no regard to what she’s been taught and Miss Cathy being Miss Cathy, she’s doing the exact opposite when presented with a set a stairs.

I brought it to her attention as gently as I could, suggesting that she stop and continue down the steps in the correct fashion. Well, she stood there so long she started to shake and she would try to reach out tentatively with the correct foot but never made contact with the step. After a few attempts she gave up and said, “I don’t want to walk that way, it just feels more comfortable the other way.” I stood there frustrated and angry with her. All the times that I fought with her in the rehab her about exercising and following instructions came rushing over me. I reminded myself that I’d decided to “pick my battles”, so I just reminded her that she’d learned all of this in rehab and she said, “Well, that was in there and I’m not there anymore.” Jeez Louise!

I told her that what she learned were things that she was suppose to do in her real-life, that like it or not things have changed and that she was suppose to do things differently for the rest of her life-whether she likes it not. When she protested I said, “Do what you want, but why’d you spend a month in rehab if you’re not going to do what they say?”

“Well, they don’t know everything.” Was her response, and then she started on about how you don’t have to follow everything “just” because someone taught it to you.

“Oh God,” I said, “Here we go again.” We got in the car and I changed the subject to something neutral.

Later that same day she got dizzy because she ‘d waited too long to eat, she sat on the sofa kinda collapsed in on herself, bathed in sweat, slowly going about the business of wiping her brow. It was upsetting to watch but I helped her, spoke to her softly and suggested she nap after she ate. She’s done that a few times since, I can’t seem to get her to realize that she’s got to pace herself, that she can’t “go, go, go” like she used to.

I’ve been trying to get on top of the paperwork and programs I said I was going to apply for on her behalf. I did call The Prince George’s Co Dept of Social Services on the 23rd and completed a phone application and a screening to hopefully get mom a bunch of services for free. The brochure said that they can: clean your house, help with personal care, shop, do laundry, make meals and even give me some time off and sit with her if I have something that I need to do. All this is available if you meet their financial standards and I haven’t a clue if she does or not. It sounded perfect (that’s why I was beating myself up for not having applied sooner) but it was too good to be true because I got a follow up phone call on the 25th telling me that there is a two to three year waiting list for services! Two to three years! Fuck it all to hell, the lady that called was apologetic and said she’d mail me info on some programs that Miss Cathy might be able to get into now.

I don’t know, I was pretty bummed because I was prepared for the fact that this other program (the one for assisted living) had a years long waiting list but I didn’t even think about this one. Oh well, back to filling out whatever forms come my way and making calls to find other resources to help me out. The irony is that I still have no idea if she makes too much money or not enough-no clue, so all this could be for naught. I guess I should call the Alzheimer’s contact that I got and talk to them about it.