Things have been going pretty good since Miss Cathy’s’ arrival. She settling in and adjusting to being back home so I’m not following her around or giving her any limits as to what she can and cannot do. She’s just so happy to be home that I don’t want to spoil the experience for her; besides, nothing has happened that I’ve had to step in-not yet anyway. She’s got first stage dementia and early onset Alzheimer’s so her issues are nowhere near as severe as they’re likely to get In the future. Right now her major issues are confusion, some forgetfulness, mood swings and denial that she has dementia.

Her overall spirit seems to have changed-while there are periods when she’s her old self, little by little there are changes in her personality that are so surprising to me. Just a few years ago and for most of my life she has been a vital, vibrant, witty, balls to the wall, independent person who was not afraid to tackle a challenge and stand on her own. Now she seems at times afraid of everything, paranoid and dependent to the point of almost being child-like. Maybe it’s me, maybe she’s always been this way and it’s taken time and the new circumstances we find ourselves in to reveal this part of her to us? Or maybe it’s that I’ have so long viewed her through the eyes of a child that was in awe of and afraid of his parent, respectful but afraid I’d never measure up to their image of what an “adult” should be.

She complains constantly but at the same time contradicts herself about what she’s complaining about. Since this all began in January (which is when I became hyper aware of her habits) a lot of the things that I thought were true about her have changes. Maybe this all started years ago but I wasn’t living here and I wasn’t looking to closely. It’s like my shrink told me when I first discussed her diagnosis, “Its easy to sound healthy and good over the phone.” She said, “Since you’re not there to see the person they could be surrounded by fifth and you’d never know, and since our calls were more or less on a weekly basis lot of people that re sick can anticipate the call and will themselves to sound good so they won’t alarm there loved ones.”

Since Saturday she’s helped unpack some her clothes. Made some alterations on her pants (she’s lost about 40 pounds since the first of the year) and she’s even managed to cook on several occasions. She’d burned up a few things on the stove in the recent past, once at Tony’s and twice here she’d turned the stove on high and walked away as pots if food or water burned unattended. We’d all agreed that she shouldn’t be cooking but I let her cook just to see how she’d do and I kept a discreet eye on her as she was cooking.

On Sunday Adele came over and took her out for several hours, which was a nice break for me and a great outing for Miss Cathy. She came back happy, laden down with groceries and contented herself to “snapping” the green beans in the living room while she watched TV then preparing them on the stove with potatoes and bacon. The beans were a success and she called down our upstairs neighbor, Ron to come get a bowl for his dinner. Ron has been a neighbor and friend to Miss Cathy for years, almost a third son, looking out for her and keeping her company. He’s watered the plants while she’s away and shoveled snow off her car in the winter so mom re-pays him my making him food on occasion because he doesn’t cook and mainly lives on take-out.

We’re still working out what our routines will be and what the boundaries are, it’s only been a few days but we have had some rows in the past and so I know something is coming, until then so far so good.

She asked for me to be in the bathroom just in case she needed help getting in or out of the shower, her fear is that she will slip and fall. So, I stood like a doorman on Park Ave oblivious to the goings of the rich and indiscreet as she undressed and slowly got herself situated in the shower chair after much adjusting of the temperature of the water. My sister in law, Suemi has a theory that some how Miss Cathy has developed a fear of water because she avoided showers and seems to make such a production out of taking one during the two and half months she lived with them while I was back in Kansas City preparing to come live here. Before all of this happened she would take baths, always saying that she detested showers, “It feels like someone is spitting on me” was how she’d describe the experience but since her diagnosis and after her knee surgery she doesn’t trust that she has the strength to lift herself in/out of the bathtub, it’s that fear that outweighs her objections to being “spit on” in the shower.


Somehow Miss Cathy never got the memo that 72 is the new 62.When did she start to look so old? While my mom was never glamorous she was always an attractive woman who took pride in her appearance. But now she’s content to toddle around the apartment in a house-dress (when was the last time you saw one of those?) a velour warm-up jacket, tube socks and men’s bedroom slippers. At first I thought she resembled my grandmother but no, she’s looking more like Mom’s Mabely, the comedian who worked blue and was shockingly funny because she was an old black woman who looked like a washer woman but had the mouth of Richard Pryor and was twice as funny.

Yesterday I took her to see her primary care physician, Dr Granite. We were almost late because we had a home security system installed just minutes before we were to leave for the doctor. The reason the appointments overlap is because the security system was something that Miss Cathy’s set up on her own, taking over r an existing account from a friend. If it was up to me we wouldn’t have a the system and save the money but it is her money and the apartment was robbed earlier in the year when she was first living at Toy’s after her first stint in a Physical rehabilitation facility. So, while I completely understand her position I still think that her constant talking about theft and being robbed borders on the obsessive.

Anyway, back at the doctor's office…it was our first “outing” together since I was here to take care of her for her Knee surgery back in May.