Home alone

I’ve been putting off writing for several days because I just didn’t want to think about what’s felt like some major steps backward for Miss Cathy and have to process how we got here. Of course it all had to do with her having to go over to Tony’s house.

I thought the issue had resolved itself soon after I told her about my impending trip; we had a long conversation after my announcement so I “thought” that was the end of it but who was I kidding-it was just the beginning.

Funny, she’s all for my going on a holiday but she just refuses to accept that she can no longer stay by herself any longer.

We talked about it so much (she’d bring it up every few days) that I was just exhausted (and I wonder why I don’t have the energy to go to the gym). But, I (kinda) knew what I was signing up for so I did my best to “talk” to her each time, not to get mad or impatient and to “try” to help her understand (with varying degrees of success).

On Wednesday morning she found out that Adele had family drama of her own so she wasn’t able to have mom stay with her. The news prompted Miss Cathy to launch a new campaign to convince me that she was “better” and “well enough” to stay home alone. She told me that she didn’t understand that if I agreed that she was doing so much better why she had to go over to my brother’s house.

It wasn’t the first time she’d said that but I heard it differently this time so I asked her, “Do you think of going over to Tony’s house as punishment?” I already knew the answer before she spoke so it didn’t surprise me when she answered in the affirmative.

I told her that I was sorry she felt that way, that the reality couldn’t be further from what she thought.

While I did agree that she was more independent, that I was proud of her for taking on the day-to-day responsibility of taking her meds and needing my help less. Still, I couldn’t get her to understand that one thing had nothing to do with the other. I told her that we (Tony, Suemi and I) were all happy with the progress that she’d made but the reality was that she was at a time in her life when she could no longer live alone and she’d just have to accept that fact-the sooner the better. (I know that sounds cold-blooded but its just the truth and I’ve found that reaching for analogies hasn’t helped and sugar coating information doesn’t help her –or me).

My reasoning started her to drag out her old argument that “we” (the doctor’s and her kids) said that she couldn’t live alone but she didn’t agree. And so it began again the same back and forth about her independence and even whether or not her dementia diagnosis is correct.