Home again

I’ve been back from my “holiday” for almost a week now and I think I’m starting to feel like I’m back into my routines here. Funny, I wasn’t gone that long (not quite a week) but I definitely feel………something different, what could it be? rested? regretful? renewed? I don’t know….

I do know that I had a great time with Chad in Kansas City. I thought about Miss Cathy but I didn’t call. I was 1,200 miles away and knew that if something happened Tony would call me.

I felt guilty about was how easy it was to slip back into my old life and not think much about my new one. Oh, and I felt very guilty about NOT wanting to get on the plane Thursday morning to fly back east when my holiday was over.

But, home I was bound so off I went.

Upon landing one of the first things I did was turn my Iphone back on and lo and behold there was a text from Tony. I should have known that something was “up” because Tony does not text-Tony barely communicates. “Surprised” would not describe my reaction when I read that there was a change of plans and he was bringing Miss Cathy back home a day early-I’m sure I looked like a cow that had someone standing on her udder.

Turns out Tony and Suemi had to go UVA to see Nile in some show so instead of taking grandma with them (I’m sure they offered and she told them she’d rather go home) Tony was driving her back.

I felt like a five year old that was just told there’s no Santa on Christmas morning. Gone were my two days of “free to be”-“me and me”. I was looking forward to having the time to unwind ALONE, unpack, start some art, you know just “chill”. I know, it sounds selfish-I just had five days in KC with Chad but this was going to be some time all by myself to ease back into things, but no, but no.

I’m embarrassed now (and should have been then) by my reaction. You’d have thought somebody just died (well, my time alone was just murdered) by the way I drifted through most of the rest of the day until I made myself snap out of it.

So, l came home, bought myself a consolation pizza -may as well eat junk food and made the best of the time that I did have to unpack and unwind.

I took all day to think up how I was going to respond to the text, part of me wanted to unload-tell Tony how “unfair” it was that my time-off was compromised but even I could see how what douche I would be if I started ragging on him for being a good father and wanting to see his daughter in some college program-bad Ty!

Anyway, I finally banged out a reply late that night telling Tony that I was a) disappointed but 2) I understood and actually thanked him for letting me know sooner rather than later-or "heaven for fend"- just show up on Friday unannounced.


I did actually pull my head out of my own ass long enough to feel bad for my brother. He’s not the most “feeling” guy you’d ever meet but he did put a lot of empathy and feeling into his text. It was kinda sweet how he wanted me to know that he wanted desperately to give me the time aone that I wanted. After I got over sulking and pouting I really “got” that and I love him for it.

We even had a laugh about it when he dropped Miss Cathy off.