Home again II

“Oh, there’s a new rug. I wonder what else has been changed since I’ve been gone.” I heard Miss Cathy say upon entering the apartment. She’d just walked in from being at Tony’s house while I was on holiday. I was sitting on the balcony writing when I heard them come in but they didn’t see me.

She made a few other comments that I only half heard as I came in from outside and they didn’t sound much like praise-more like “what the hell else has he done to my apartment?”…….and so it began, Miss Cathy was home.

I gave her a hug and welcomed her back-what else was I gonna do, call her out for dissing my decorating? I almost panicked thinking that Tony had escaped since I didn’t see him but to my relief he’d just gone out to retrieve the rest of her things. I forgot that she has to travel like a gypsy now; in addition to her suitcase(s) she needs her shower and toilet seats, and a bag with all of her meds. We didn’t pack “Roger” her rolling walker with a seat because we’re trying to encourage her to walk on her own as much as possible.

While she was getting settled in I seized the opportunity to talk to Tony. He didn’t want to talk in the apartment for fear she’d hear us so we went out to his car to Kibbutz.

“So,” I asked once we were settled in his mini-van, “how was she?”

“She wasn’t too bad man,” Tony said,” it wasn’t till yesterday when she knew that we were coming back over here that she started to act up a little.”

“We didn’t really have any problems like the last time. She even came downstairs a couple of times to watch movies with me and Suemi. Of course she was running her yap during the movie so I had to put it on pause and tell her to “please be quiet so we can enjoy the movie”- but you know mom.” (Yeah, I know her very well.)

I was happy to hear that their time together wasn’t a complete disaster but I had to ask about what happened before they got here.

“Well, she was a little agitated the night before we came over. I think it’s something about “knowing” that she’s got to go somewhere that gets her wounds up. That and the fact that she was all excited about going home.”

Tony told me that he worked from home on Friday so he could drive her back here after rush hour and not have to be stressed after driving home himself in all that traffic. He said that he “thought” he could finish up his work and then relax for a few hours until it was time to go. Unfortunately the minute he sat down in the family room Miss Cathy started her campaign to get on the road-traffic or no.

Apparently they had a few words, ending in Tony NOT relaxing but packing the car and sitting in traffic for a an hour and a half. Needless to say, they rode in silence the entire trip. When Tony told me that I said, “Well, sounds familiar. I don’t think we said two words to each other when I was bringing her to your place-a least she’s consistent.”

We talked about how challenging she can be and compared notes on her behavior.

“You know how negative she can be, always finding fault with everything and talking boo-coo shit about everybody.” I said,” So okay, here’s a question for you, what did she say about me? I know she said something.”

“No, not much,” He responded, “at least not in the beginning. She did start in on you when I told her that I wanted to give you an extra day so you’d have some time alone so you could have some privacy. That’s when she blew up and said “privacy!” what about my “privacy?”" What about my freedom!?"

When Tony reminded her that I gave up a lot to come live with her she said that she appreciated it but what about her privacy and her things? Apparently she was pissed off about the redecorating I’d done when she was in rehab.

“I come home,” she said.” And my things are just GONE, he rearranged everything and just threw away a perfectly good microwave.”

I loved it! I was reeling with laughter listening to Tony mimic Miss Cathy’s voice as he listed off her list of grievances against me. There was no way I could take anything she said personally (not anymore anyway) because she talks shit about everybody so I knew I was no exception and I knew that in her righteous indignation she’d forgotten that we’d discussed everything (several times) while she was in rehab. We talked about my putting her stuff in storage, cleaning up the apartment and making it more livable for the two of us. And I didn’t throw her microwave away and it wasn’t in perfect condition, I donated it to Goodwill (because there was chip in the door so it was hard to close it).

Noticing the time on my watch I only got to talk to Tony a few minutes more-we didn’t’ want to spend too much time alone lest Miss Cathy become suspicious and think we were comparing notes and talking shit about her-which we were. I did get to tell him that the minute I went away I realized the benefit of taking some time to myself and that I was already planning my next holiday with Chad to go to San Diego in late January or early February.

I left his car feeling renewed, kinda like how I imagine war buddies feel after getting together and talking about doing battle together, no matter how many well meaning people want to talk to you about your experience, nothing beats talking about it with somebody who’s been in the trenches with you-sometimes you don’t even have to speak to be understood.