Free to be

On Friday, October 29th I drove Miss Cathy over to Tony’s to stay for about six days- oh my, what a “fun” ride that was. We didn’t leave the apartment till noon so she had the entire morning to pack and get ready (and practice giving me the cold shoulder). Miss Cathy’s MO for trips is to be packed the night (or days) before and she’s usually sitting on her hands by the door at the crack of dawn on travel-day but not this time. Her two yellow, American Tourister luggage pieces (an “overnight” and the ever popular “weekender” bags that she’s had since the 70’s) were still right where I left it them on the floor in her bedroom.

Since I wasn’t leaving for the airport till Saturday morning I decided to wait to pack until after I was back in the apartment alone and free to be. Around eleven Adele popped over to say good-bye (or to wish the prisoner well as she’s dragged of in shackles to the “big house”-Tony’s house).

Remember, this is the woman who said after staying at Tony's for two months while I went back to Kansas City to close up shop so I could come live with her full-tme,"I am never leaving my home again." "The only way you'll see me leaving here is in a pine box." AND my favorite, "There's no way in hell I'm ever going back over there (Tony's house) again!"........and away we went.

I don’t think mom and I said more than a dozen words to each other on the car ride over (and it takes an hour to drive across I-95 from Greenbelt, MD to Stafford, VA where Tony&CO live.) Well, it wasn’t the first (or last) time we were together in silence. I just adjusted my hoodie against the chill and tried to ignore her backseat driving body movements.

She thinks that if she mimics the movements of “braking” and “looking out for “the man” or what she considers “idiot” drivers then she’s somehow shielded from accidents, comforted or feels like she has some “say” in the act of driving and it's outcome-of course she doesn’t (Miss Cathy logic).

Hey, at least all the wiggling around is in silence-it took me years to get her to shut the hell up and to not tell me how she’d drive if she were behind the wheel, “But you’re not Blanche.”

Miss Cathy voluntarily gave her car to her grandson Zachary earlier this year, so it was her idea to stop driving (and I really admire her for it). But after over fifty years of driving she’s used to being in the driver's seat and being in control-old control freaks are hard to break.

We made it over to Tony’s a little after 1pm-quietly and safely. I knew that Suemi was due back home from work before 2pm so I was debating whether or not to stay and wait for her when she pulled up out front just as I was unloading the last of mom’s stuff into the house-whew! Saved by my sister-in-law.

I hadn’t seen her in a few months (not since she and Tony stopped by one night to bring me one of the boxes I’d shipped to their house and we sat in their min-van and I talked their ears off because I was soooo lonely.) We don't really talk on the phone or communicate much lately, I have been leaving them alone to adjust to being "empty-nesters" and to "heal" from Miss Cathy staying with them for two months over the summer (and bitching about how much she hated it their and wanted to leave-pretty much every frigging day).

Anyway, we were standing in the foyer having a chat and I was actually thinking of hanging out for awhile but somehow Miss Cathy inserted herself into the conversation and said, “I’d like to take the three of you out of your home and see how you like it.”

“Well,” I said to no one in particular, “the conversation is sounding very familiar so I’m outta here.” I gave mom a quick hug and I held Suemi tighter than usual (in solidarity) and then I was in my car and back on the interstate without looking back.

Actually, I did look back, I waved to Suemi, standing in the doorway, grateful for my freedom and already wondering when the guilt would set in and if I’d be able to relax and enjoy just being me.