This n' That

I keep a log of some of Miss Cathy’s activities like cooking, showers and walking. I even try to write down some of her behaviors so that I can note her progress (if any). She’s gotten to the place where she feels comfortable enough to take a shower by herself, which makes me very happy. Now, all she needs to feel safe is my presence somewhere nearby, instead of me actually having to be in the bathroom with her in case she falls.

She went out about four days ago for a walk for the first time since she got back here in early August. She didn’t go far, just to the circle drive of the next condo complex but it’s a start. The best part (like showering by herself) is that it was her idea.

I made a promise to myself when I moved here to take care of her that I would leave her alone as much as possible, only making “suggestions” –or just flat out telling her what she had to do, only when necessary. It hasn’t been easy for a control freak like me but this isn’t about me and part of what I’m learning is to be “present” and not a “presence”.

Being “present” to me means being in the moment, realizing what is and isn’t about me, not forcing my agenda or behavior according to how “I” would react if the roles were reversed. Being a “presence” would mean dominating any given situation and trying to control the other person by dictating what “I” judged to be the correct mode of behavior.

She’s doing a lot of cooking since being home, which to me says she’s happy and more her old self. We haven’t had any accidents or fires since last May so that’s definite progress. I did suggest that she be mindful of turning up the heat so high on the stove and showed her the scorched bottom of a skillet that I’d bought that looked like new till she started using it. I’ve found that she can understand something better if I have an example, sometimes even the simplest concepts can throw her so visuals are a very important tool.

She’s even mastered turning off the security system if she happens to get up before me. She struggles with the sequence but she hangs in there till she gets it. Each morning she goes to turn it off is like the first time, so it’s a struggle but she doesn’t give up the way she would have four or five weeks ago-progress, not perfection!