I thought what Dr GG had just said to me, that ‘ruled out’ didn’t necessarily mean that
there wasn’t a ‘possibility’ was some
sort of word play and ‘doctor logic’ that
was bullshit.
“Forgive doctor”, I said, weary of word games and tired of
being made to feel like I wasn’t keeping up.
“I’m only repeating what I’ve been told and to the lay
person, this person anyway, ‘ruled
out’ means ‘not a chance’ and since I’ve been ‘put in my place’ and told that I
am not a doctor it’s not for me to
decipher the subtleties of what another doctor says to me. I can only take what
l’m being told at face value.”
By way of a response he pulled out the MRI film again that
I’d handed him from my “Cathy Clutch”.
Dr GG studied the film for a moment then motioned us closer
to the light-box that he’d turned on and attached the large black Mylar film, revealing
a reverse black and white graphic of what could only be Miss Cathy’s brain
glowing back at us.
The doctor pointed out an area on the black film and told us
that it was the “White Matter” located within the ‘Gray Matter’ (confused…so
was I but hang in there with me).
He said that it was so thick that a small stroke could be hard to identify so if was
possible that it wouldn’t show up on a scan.
I think I understood
what the doctor was saying (in his round about way) and I could tell that he
being diplomatic (by trying his best not to compromise a fellow physician) but
I wanted to be sure of what I was hearing (after all, we’d heard so much and
from so many).
Besides, I’d been building a case to persuade Miss Cathy to
switch from Dr A to a different neurologist. This just might be the ammunition
I needed to pull the trigger with some facts and not just feelings.
So I asked him if he was saying that Dr A had been wrong to
say what he did.
Dr GG pulled the film from the light-box as it turned it
off, turned to me and said, “I didn’t say that exactly, but I’m not saying that
your question isn’t valid, I’m just saying that I deal in discretion.”
Great! Who was this guy…Gollum? Now I have to read between
the lines and play word games!
It was obvious he didn’t want to betray some “white wall” of
loyalty doctors must have for one another.
“I’m sorry doctor but I don’t have time for discretion, I
just need a solution to this problem.” My brain was about to explode. I just wanted
some simple, declarative statements (forget about implicating Dr A) and was
hoping we’d finally met a doctor that could provide some straight talk.
I told him that I ‘live’ for subtleties, that discretion was my middle name and any
other time I would be right there with him, ready to bat words around high
above the heads of whomever was in the room about whatever subject was really
the topic but I was too tired to
decipher coded language and I was doing my best not to get worked up and pissed
off.
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