Miss Cathy was up early this morning dusting. She said yesterday that she was going to “sleep in” but the thought of dusting was so pressing that she was compelled to get up, like a kid at Christmas, except there was no tree-just dust bunnies. I have to admit that when I came into the living room with my morning coffee that I could see that all the faux wood surfaces were gleaming, even without her telling me. Although it looked good she wasn’t satisfied because she couldn’t get the top off of the “lemon scented” Old English furniture polish, so she wanted to go over everything again so it would have “that lemony smell.”

I opened the bottle for her, the twist and turn top got the better of her, after seeing how easy it was for me to take the top off she said, “I see, said the blind man-couldn’t see a thang” “That pretty much describes you”, I said as I walked back into the kitchen to re-fresh my coffee and I heard her laughing. It’s a good morning

I asked Miss Cathy if she was excited that the new couch was being delivered today and she said, “Not really.” I had to giggle. She said she felt better about it when she realized that I paid cash and wasn’t incurring debt on my credit card.

WAlittle later we’re sitting here in the living room waiting for the new couch to be delivered and she tells me that she’d rather have the “other” sofa that we’d looked at in the store-WTF! I asked her why she waited till the DAY the new sofa is being delivered to share this tidbit with me and she had no response. When I asked how long she's been thinking about this she said, “A couple of days."

So, being the people pleaser that I am, I'm on the phone all morning trying to cancel the delivery (and not incur a $100 delivery fee and 10% re-stocking fee) and BUY the other sofa to make her happy. Only to find out AFTER they cancelled the delivery that they couldn't guarantee that I wouldn't be charged the delivery fee since the sofa was already on the truck for today AND I'd have to pay a new delivery fee of $100 for the other sofa...........so, I had to call back and luckily got them to confirm that they will be delivering the original purchase-Oye vey!!

Like they say-“No good deed goes unpunished”

Miss Cathy seems to be taking to change quite well. Not much is different but she seems to be on board with the things that have happened.

Back in May I did a deep clean and before she even came home from my brother’s after not being here for 6 months and the biggest thing I did was to pack away her collection of about 100 stuffed animals of all shapes and sizes that were dominating the living room and put them in storage.

On labor Day I hung new silk drapes to replace the old, polyester drapes and valance that had been hanging in front of the balcony sliding glass door for at least 15 (maybe 20) years. I put the sofa and loveseat on Craigslist and a woman is coming to pick up the sofa (a free items since it’s damaged) on Thursday and if the loveseat doesn’t sell the Salvation Army is coming to pick it up along with two big boxes of donations on the 16th.

The new sofa that Miss Cathy and I picked out together at The RoomStore will be delivered on Friday so that’s when I think some real changes will begin to happen. I’ve got to get curtain rods to hang the new drapes on all the other windows but that project is on hold until I can finish creating some new art for my poster publisher.

I was drawing for the first time last weekend and it felt great. I set myself up at the dining room table-not the most creative spot but I made it work. I turned on Itunes and tuned out everything around me and just got lost in creating. I had been worried that I wouldn’t be able to draw in this environment. So, it felt wonderful to know that I can work-even here.

Yesterday was a pretty good day, it was a holiday-labor Day and it seemed that Miss Cathy and I were busier than usual so the irony of the day and our labors was no lost on me. While I was out buying a new sofa mom was at the apartment shampooing the carpet. She managed to clean the hallway before the machine started to “act up” and she stopped but I was surprised at how much cleaning she did.

I worked in my room on some new artwork for a few hours then came out to the living room to hang out with Miss Cathy for awhile. I decided to iron the new silk drapes that I’d bought in KC with Chad’s discount at Restoration Hardware while we chatted. Not to be outdone, mom brought in some mending she needed to do. So there we were, her sewing and me ironing. After I was finished ironing I swapped out the old drapes for the new ones above the balcony sliding glass doors.

Miss Cathy didn’t say much about the drapes, later when I was talking to Chad about the changes he asked what she thought and I couldn’t give him an answer. But, at the end of the evening when I went in to give her meds she made a point of telling that she thinks the drapes are “gorgeous” and that she “really loves them!” Her approval made me happy and we chatted for a little but I was trying to be conscious of not getting her too wound up-very much like with a little kid at bedtime, you don’t want to get them too stimulated or they’ll have a hard time going to sleep, if at all. Sure enough the talking was giving her a second wind so when I told her I was leaving to take a shower she said, “I want to take shower, too.” Oh boy, it’s going to be hard putting baby down now! Nighttime is suppose to be my time-the deal is (in my mind) that after I give her meds at night I’m off duty and she was messing with my system.

So, I swallowed my resentment and helped her with her shower first then had my own, but I knew my solitude was not to be for awhile. She came into the kitchen after me and asked for a chicken salad sandwich after she saw that I was eating chicken. “Sure” I said, “I can make you some.” We chatted little while I made her sandwich, she ate half and then said,”Okay, you’re rid of me now, I’m going to bed, you won’t have to worry about me anymore tonight.”

So, I wake up this morning and no sooner do I have my coffee in one hand and pills in the other when Miss Cathy announces that “she” needs to drive by the VFW because she’s thinking she’d like to participate in one of their parking lot “yard sales”. My first thought is how much work this is going to be for me and her use of the first person singular does not go unnoticed.

I give her the pills, listen for a minute then continue with my morning ritual of watering the plants and sitting out here on the balcony to write to you. When I go inside to freshen up my coffee she tells me that she needs to get the roasting pan out from under the sink so she can cook the meatloaf she’d been putting together.

This time I couldn’t let the I slide by without saying something. “What you mean is that you’d like for me to get the pan for you,” I said, “ Oh, isn’t that what I said?” she replied.

“No, you actually do that a lot, you say “I” instead of asking me to do something for you.”

“Al-righty then I will. Can you get the roasting pan out for me please.”

I know, part of me feel like an asshole for clocking her about semantics but come on, it gets to you after awhile……..someone constantly talking about “me” and “I” when you know that “you” are going to be the one to “do” and “get”. I don’t know if it’s the illusion of independence or the unintended omission of my existence by the statements that bother me more.

Of course it makes sense that this is happening now. It’s all this at a time when she’s doing great, I mean the doctors all think so and I can see that she sharper than a month ago. So, I guess it stands to reason that the more she’s like her old self the more she’s going to want to do and be like her old self except I am the one who’s now her arms and legs.

I think what I mind is that she seems to want to “have her cake and eat it, too”. She wants to toddle around like an old lady, not do much in the way of exercise or walking to strengthen her muscles so she can do more for herself, but, at the same time her mind is clearer so she has no problems coming up with things she’d like to do but not much thought (seemingly) into the fact that I’m the one that has to do all this stuff.

I really don’t know why I’m bitching or surprised by any of this-what did I expect? I knew she wasn’t going to be bedridden? I knew (or thought) I knew how demanding and difficult she was/is? I guess I just need to keep writing to you to vent because that’s all it is.

At the end of the day I’m going to get the pot, look for the “thing”, wait for her to do “whatever” and carry/lift/open the things that she needs-I just gotta remember to have a better attitude about it!

Update: As I sit here writing I smelled something burning, I get inside and Miss Cathy tells me that she just burned some bacon she had cooking on the stove………..and the beat goes on.

What can I tell you, the routines seem to be set now so the days are starting to blur. Except for the occasional doctor’s visit (like yesterday morning) there isn’t much variation in our day.

The reality is that Miss Cathy is more and more like here old self-whether that’s a good thing is debatable.

Dr Joly, her orthopedic surgeon met with us yesterday (after keeping us in the waiting room for an hour) to check Miss Cathy’s’ progress with her let knee replacement. He said that what she was “feeling’ was the best indicator of her progress and nothing else. When I asked about the things that I thought she was doing wrong or “her way” he didn’t see anything wrong with her behavior and supported her. She still wants help in/out of the shower, the doctor said that it’s okay for her to use any means or method she fells necessary until she feels confident enough to walk on her own and confident in her balance.

So, it seems that the doctor vindicated her yesterday, it wasn’t what I wanted to hear but hey-I can dish it out so I gotta be able to take it. Now l just have to back off correcting her and let her do whatever she feels works for her while she heals. And I’ve got to “take it on the chin” now she feels vindicated by doing things her way and listen to her saying, “See, I know my body” “The doctor’s don’t always know” “They have to follow certain things but I’m 72 years old and I don’t need anybody telling me what I need to do”. Which is kind of a contradiction because it was the doctor’s supportive statements that she was looking for to validate her behavior-but, that’s just between you and me.

Miss Cathy was up early this morning, dressed in a nice black and white ensemble: white hat, black oversized tee with one of my graphics printed on it, white “Capri” pants and black naturalizer shoes and a Hunter green purse for a dash of color. Adele is coming to take her out to the Salvation Army to donate more of her stuff-some clothes, old purses and stuffed animals. I guess they’ll roam around afterwards, or at least I hope they do till early afternoon, which will give me a respite from having to work in my little room.

I was happy yesterday that mom was so engaged in putting together her things to donate. Unfortunately, it necessitated my having to go over to the storage unit in the 98-degree heat to find the stuffed animals, rugs and box she needed. Valuable lesson to remember: while you’re care-giving YOU will be the one that has to do the lion share of the work whenever your loved one gets a bee in their bonnet to take on a project-the trick is not to get too resentful about it.

This is true of other “projects” or “chores” as well. I was the one who had to get the vacuum cleaner put back together after she “cleaned” it and I was the one who actually had to vacuum because she was too tired after cleaning the vacuum, and so it goes. Hey, her intentions are pure and you can see that she’s clearly trying to do things on her own but more often than not she requires help.

I can see that it frustrates her and I’m trying not to let mine show, too.

I’m finding the tricky part is shifting gears and helping when I’m in the middle of something myself-like trying to just sit and relax, at the end of the day, watch TV or read a book. My demeanor seems to depend on how much I’ve already done during the day: how many times did I hand her the phone, bring her something else, look for something, listen to a story I’ve already heard……you know, the usual things that make up a day or evening but at a certain point I start to feel like it’s “time to punch out” but this is a job with a never ending shift so I’m still trying to reconcile taking time for myself, when or what’s appropriate to say “No” too and what boundaries to put up.